First Cut

First cut has moved

2009-09-30T06:01:00Z

First Cut, along with all of Livemint's blogs has moved to a new Wordpress platform. Please visit http://blog.livemint.com/first-cut for more news, opinion and reviews from Priya Ramani. or simply click here. Don't forget to update your RSS readers/feeds and tell all your friends!

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Bollywood, celebrate the return of Rambhaaaaaa!

2009-08-30T03:30:00Z

Rambha's biggest Bollywood connection so far has been David Dhawan. So it was brilliant to see her free of that camp and playing a super sexy bar dancer in Shashanka Ghosh's Quick Gun Murugun. HT Cafe says the wig cost the producers of the film Rs15 lakh. Worth every rupee, I say.

In the same publication, Ghosh says Rambha's character Mango Dolly was inspired by Helen and is a tribute to all the bad girls of Hindi cinema. "All these southern goddesses have an aura around them, yet deep down, they are very real. That's the fatal attraction," Ghosh adds. I'd pick Rambha any day over our sterile, size zero, cookie-cutter, asexual, foam-and-tape cleavage Bollywood actresses.

In the film I loved her giggles and the awesome proportions of her body, the shiny thigh-high slit pink dresses with their strategically positioned oversize patchwork flowers, matching lipstick and OTT accessories; the ripping off the dress to bandage QGM; and she has great dialogues too. Can I wash my face? asks QGM. Have a bath only no, water is hot, she replies with coy confidence.

Rambha's sex appeal lies in her self-confidence, positive attitude and, of course, those killer thighs. The actress says she'd rather be "size happy" than size zero. Learn something girls.

Rambha rocks!

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Prince dance group wins India's Got Talent

2009-08-23T01:24:00Z

So after a finale episode that lasted more than 3 hours, Prince dance group from Orissa were finally declared winners of the first edition of India's Got Talent. The all male group of bodypainted dancers is comprised mainly of daily wage labourers and I for one couldn't stop cheering! They've been the most innovative group since day one. And I guess viewers who voted felt, like me, that to be a winner on this show you need more than a good voice or the ability to dance.

The finale episode dragged on and on as the channel took the opportunity to promote all their new shows coming up. Rani Mukherji (who kept adjusting her clothes everytime she thought the camera was not on her) and Shahid Kapur (looking distinctly out of it) also made a desultory appearance to promote their forthcoming film Dil Bole Hadippa.

My other favourites last night were Sneha and Richard, the dancers from Bangalore who usually spend their time spreading salsa fever in small Indian towns across the country. The hip hop dancers from Nallasopara were also brilliant. As were both the mallakhamb acts.

The three judges did a great job through this show. The emotional Shekhar Kapur has been everyone's favourite include, as we found out yesterday, Khatron Ke Khiladi contestant Rupa Ganguly, Did you see the sparks fly between them when she came on stage? I wonder what happened after the show ended...

Congratualations Prince!

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My (humble) 8-point reaction to Shah Rukh Khan's detention

2009-08-22T12:20:00Z

Now that we've stopped breathing fire and yelling everyone who opposes our point of view on actor Shah Rukh Khan's detention in Newark, here's my take on the matter.

1. Vivek Oberoi may need publicity. SRK certainly doesn't. He's big in India. And he's certainly big overseas. If you look at the last few decades of Bollywood's overseas box office figures, thanks to Karan Johar and the Yash Raj slew of films, SRK is our biggest star ever in the US.

2. SRK rarely wears his Muslim identity on his sleeve. He has repeatedly said he stands for young, educated India, more than for any single community. SRK is the poster boy of Consumer India, not Muslim India. That is why, even at Newark, SRK never used the word Muslim. I think he intentionally avoided it. All of Bollywood's three Khans are educated, liberal Muslims. They don't want to be in a situation where they are made the poster boys of right wing groups who believe the US hates all Muslims.

3. Of course, Muslims from all countries have been discriminated against in US airports. There's enough documentation to prove this. And personally, I don't believe that random checks at airports are really random. Random checks, I would think, are done randomely, but within certain parameters that constitute a high risk group.

4 SRK's film My Name Is Khan doesn't release till next year anyway. Why would he start the publicity blitz now?

5. I can understand if they didn't recognize him in Minnesota or Milwaukee (altho, when we travelled the world last year, they had heard of him in Machu Pichu too). But this was Newark, the queen of all Little Indias in the US. You can smell the curry in the air from the neighbouring states. Half the airport was probably full of Indians and Pakistanis. Even if the boys who detained him hadn't heard of Bollywood, there were zillions of people in their vicinity who would have seen all of SRK's films. Detain him sure, but why would it take so long to ascertain his identity? Doesn't homeland security have access to Google?

6. SRK and the underworld? Please, I think you're mistaking him for Sanjay Dutt now.

7. SRK said he was travelling with around 10 or so people and all their 22 or so bags went missing. Yet none of them were detained. I believe him. He has a better track record than the US government anyway.

8. If this is a publicity stunt, what has SRK got out of it pray explain to me?

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Kaminey: Is Charlie gay? SPOILER ALERT SPOILER ALERT

2009-08-17T05:50:00Z

None of the reviews had even a line about Charlie's sexuality. But I'm convinced that the bad boy avataar of Shahid in Vishal's Kaminey is gay. Maybe Vishal didn't tell Shahid about this. Maybe Charlie's a guy who hasn't figured out his sexuality yet. Maybe it's just Vishal's private angle. But clearly, Charlie has the serious hots for Mikhail in the film. And it's more than male bonding. From the start, they are clearly a couple in the film. Then there's all that rolling around in the rain before Mikhail gets shot. The references to Spiderman. The fact that they want to run away together after they get the money. Charlie's devastation when Mikhail dies. How Charlie reacts in the climax when he sees Mikhail's body in the jeep. And Charlie's final tribute to Mikhail of course. And then there's all that sexy topless guitar strumming.

You only see him with a woman twice in the film, both times are very random. Maybe that's Vishal's way of saying that more people than we realize are bisexual? Or that so many Indian gay men don't acknowledge their sexuality? That would make him Bollywood's first sexy gay bad guy.

Then again, I thought the song Namak Ishq Ka in Omkara was about oral sex.

Any thoughts on Charlie?

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Love Aaj Kal or Jab We Met?

2009-08-05T07:28:00Z

Like all of you, I was dying to see Love Aaj Kal. I couldn't make it for the press preview at Delhi's historic Delite cinema, and finally ended up seeing it one day after it opened at the DT Cinema at Saket's DLF Place. Not many people know of the existence of this new theatre and that's the only reason we got tickets I think. All the other multiplexes I tried were sold out for all the first weekend shows. The reviews on Friday were mostly complimentary. Wow, I thought, Mr Love Guru has done it again.

I didn't like the film. Of course it's already become this year's biggest hit, but at this point we're desperate for a good movie--we'll rush to see anything that even hints at being a good film.

I think Love Aaj Kal is a classic example of what happens when all the positive feedback on your super hit sweet, simple love story film i.e. Jab We Met, makes you decide it's time to do something clever, edgy, push the envelope, whatever.

You just end up with a love story with zero soul, a film that's full of over smart dialogues that don't really mean anything. I really think it's time Bollywood's Khans stopped playing 20 year olds-after seeing Imran Khan in Jaane Tu.. it's difficult to stomach Saif Ali Khan as a college student. And I wish directors would do a screen test for couple chemistry. Kareena Kapoor and Shahid Kapur were electric in Jab We Met--and there was the added real life irony that they had split just before the blockbuster was released. In addition to the lead pair, Jab We Met was full of quirky, loveable characters--Love Aaj Kal's Brazilian beauty left me cold.

I say we leave edgy to Anurag Kashyap and Vishal Bhardwaj.

So which film did you prefer and why?

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Swayamvar finale: Rakhi, Elesh and Jesus

2009-08-03T10:11:00Z

So Rakhi got engaged to Elesh. We all knew that would happen. Manas was just a decoy, people. She was hardly going to marry a man several years her junior.

The finale opened with Ram Kapoor whose smirk seemed to indicate that he still couldn't believe he was on this show. All three grooms-to-be prayed, completed assorted "wedding" rituals (applied turmeric, sang songs, chanted mantras) with their respective families. Two rode white horses, Chitiz opted for a silver Mercedes. Manas' dad said it was like a lifetime achievement award. Elesh said he was experiencing unexplainable feelings--"andar se khushi aa rahi hai." Elesh's mother and sister said they had never met eunuchs before and they jumped with joy when a group joined their dancing.

After around 20 minutes of this, we finally got to hear from a demure Rakhi who seemed more into Jesus than any of the three boys.

The stage at the Leela in Mumbai was quite elaborate and after the guests (mostly people associated with NDTV Imagine) were seated, the grooms took turns to enter and the milni ceremony began.

Chitiz was superconfident; Manas declared that she'll only go to one man's house and that is Manas Katyal. Elesh said he would take Rakhi for a honeymoon to the Niagra Falls or to Disneyworld (yawn).

One hour later (10pm) Rakhi had not yet come on the scene and I was nodding off. She finally showed up at six minutes past the hour, looking like a character from the 1984 film Utsav. NDTV Imagine CEO Sameer Nair, sitting in the audience, couldn't stop smiling--he was thinking of the ratings obviously.

Rakhi wore jadau jewellery set in gold with big polki diamonds, emeralds and south sea pearls designed by Farah Ali Khan. Her Neeta Lulla lehenga was pink with a five-colour border, three dupattas and a gold blouse. The embroidery was zardozi with gold, kundan and swarovskis. There were at least 5kg of jewels harnessed and dangling from her head.

Rakhi's eyes remained mostly downcast as viewers were forced to listen (again) to what the boys felt and what their families felt. Manas' mother cried, Elesh's mum said I'm taking you with me, and Chitiz's family still looked uncomfortable. Rakhi, showing a sliver of her real self, said she wanted to marry all three.

By 10.24pm Ram was insisting that the time had come to decide.

But Rakhi had to say her thank yous to television channel Imagine. "Marte dam tak yeh karza nahi chuka sakti," she said, hands clenched by her side.

Are you ready? Ram asked again and it was time for an ad break.

At 10.34 Rakhi announced she wanted to consult Jesus.

"Zindagi main maine jyo bhi decision liya hai maine apne ishwar ko puch ke liya hai," or some such thing. "I want to pray first," she said.

A few more bad dialogues followed:

"Itna bada itihaas rachungi"

"Desh ki junta mujhe sabke blessings chahiye"

"Bahut dukh uthaya hai maine zingadi main"

"Jesus main aapko saakshi maan kar..." and it was almost like the amazing restaurant scene where Meg Ryan has a fake orgasm in When Harry Met Sally. Rakhi prayed to Jesus to enter her body and pick her husband.

After the prayer, when she announced the varmala was too short, it was obvious who was going to get lassoed.

Next came a "forgive me" speech to the families.

C'mon Rakhi, said Ram. "Hindustan intezaar kar raha hai."

10.48pm

"You can do this Rakhi," said Ram.

"I won't do it till everyone tells me to," she replied.

Arms outstretched and holding the varmala, she walked up and down a couple of times, head firmly down.

"Don't torment them," said Ram.

"Actually I have decided to do swayamvar part two," she said.

Then, she garlanded Elesh. They exchange vows. And rings. The end.

Of course the ratings were high.

The overnight aMap ratings of Rakhi Ka Swayamvar Faisle Ki Raat averaged an unbelievable 6.2--the highest ever for Imagine.

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Luck review: This film will blow your mind (literally)

2009-07-25T15:26:00Z

When a film starts with a group of blindfolded men darting across several railway tracks where Indian railways trains on steroids zip to and fro and manage to knock off all the men except one--Sanjay Dutt of course because "hathyaar hai inka luck"--you are almost sure you know what's coming. When this cuts straight to the song Azma luck, azma luck with Sanjay Dutt sitting on a throne wearing shiny pathan suits with matching jackets and dancing with blonde extras on a revolving stage you know for sure what's coming.

Luck doesn't disappoint. It's a bad copy of several good European films and even more horrific than you've forecast after seeing the first few scenes. It instantly accords Kambakkht Ishq with cult status. The story, dialogues, written and directed by credits are all Soham Shah so you know whom to blame. Did Shree Ashtavinayak Films think it was making a comedy? After all the production house does have Priyadarshan and David Dhawan on its rolls.

So Sanjay Dutt plays Karim Mussa, a lucky person who, as a child, was the lone survivor of the burning of a masjid. As a teenager he jumped from the fourth floor of a building on a dare, by 21 he is the king of cards. By the time you meet him, he's had 40 years of luck and he's investing in a man's luck.

The film moves with blinding speed through Mussa's life, the suicide of our next lucky hero's father (Ram, played by Imran Khan), the Rs20 crore debt he must now face, his encounter with a strange man who buys a lottery ticket every week and how Ram decides to rob the ATM of SACV bank where he works. As the ATM chor runs in circles through Horniman Circle, he meets Lakhan Tamal (Danny Denzongpa), Mussa's right hand man (luck of course; all inexplicable twists and turns in this film are attributed to luck). Lakhan who tells Ram "tu khud ek ATM hai" wants to rent Ram's luck for 15 days. Much gambling, one ghastly song and one truly bizarre light-this-useless-lighter-five-consecutive-times and I'll give you six lakhs later, Ram decides he wants nothing more to do with Lakhan.

Many of the men in this film sit on thrones and wear thick jewellery. Sanjay Dutt flaunts a heavy horseshoe pendant necklace, in case you've forgotten this movie is about l-u-c-k. Everyone has guns that never work and everyone uses the word "luck" at least 3,452 times, each time in the most clichéd way imaginable.

I haven't seen a film like this since the early 1990s--it reminded me of 1994's Vijaypath and all those films I've seen in the theatres of Bombay Central and Grant Road.

Anyway, this is only the first half hour of the film. From here it gets progressively worse. Essentially Mussa and Lakhan line up a group of lucky men and women to compete in an elaborate game (that takes up the rest of the movie) in South Africa. Of course gamblers from across the world are betting on who will win the game. One lucky person will win Rs20 crore in 20 days. The lucky people of Indian nationality include Ram (who decides to give his luck a shot); Mithun (with references to his role in Ghulami, according to the friend with whom I saw this film); Shruti Hassan (who looks gorgeous but whose dialogue delivery could do with a booster shot); Chitrashi Rawat (a Pakistani camel racer who is exported to South Africa for Rs4 lakh and who talks like a Bombay street urchin); and Ravi Kissen (who just got released from Tihar jail because the rope they were hanging him with slipped--explanation: luck). "Tera luck tujhse bhi jyada haraami nikla," Danny tells the psycho criminal.

Thankfully interval saves the movie watcher at this point. After the break, it's all downhill and the audience laughs uproariously at all the serious plot twists. There are sharks, parachutes, a burning train, and an unbelievable climax that had the audience in splits. Luckily.

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Our politicians are more indecent than Sach Ka Saamna

2009-07-24T12:38:00Z

The government thinks Sach Ka Saamna, my current favourite television programme, is indecent.

Personally, I find our politicians more indecent than the real people who are spilling their guts aided by some quiet encouragement from anchor Rajeev Khandelwal. I know India loves this show--there are more than 100 comments on my previous post about Sach Ka Saamna, mostly from Indians who want to participate.

"It has been observed that the anchor of the programme seeks answers to questions regarding infidelity, incest and other taboo subjects that are not suitable for unrestricted public exhibition, especially keeping in view Indian culture and ethos," the government notice sent to television channel Star Plus said.

What are they talking about? Indian culture breeds incest. Infidelity is in the fabric of our nation. All the participants on this show are Indians. All look quite cultured, thank you very much.

Why doesn't the government focus on improving its own decency rating instead of worrying about what we're watching on Indian television?

A giant chunk of our elected members of parliament have criminal cases pending against them. Highly indecent, wouldn't you say?

And the previous parliament was no better.

A recent story in Newsweek pointed out that in the 14^th Lok Sabha, "eleven MPs were expelled for taking bribes. The coal minister was compelled to step down when he was convicted of murder (though he was later acquitted on appeal). And when the opposition called for a confidence vote, several members had to be transported to the People's House from the big house-where two of them are serving life sentences for murder-to participate. As the legislators adjourned last week, House Speaker Somnath Chatterjee wished them good riddance: "You do not deserve one paisa [cent] of public money," he scolded. "I hope all of you are defeated in the next election."

Now that's I-n-d-e-c-e-n-t, I say.

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If Rakhi Sawant went on Sach Ka Saamna...

2009-07-21T07:57:00Z

What would happen if you combined television's hottest new shows Rakhi Ka Swayamvar and Sach Ka Saamna?

The reason I'm asking is because often, when I watch Rakhi Sawant on television, I wonder: who exactly is she trying to fool? Don't get me wrong, I'm as addicted to the show as all of you are, but at times the show seems more fiction than non-fiction.

And what about all those contestant-grooms who keep saying they would do anything for Rakhi? Hmm. Now that Sach Ka Saamna has gone on air, I'm sure NDTV Imagine's kicking themselves for not thinking of the idea--they could easily have made all contestants undertake a polygraph test where they had to answer one question honestly to be part of this show: Do you really want to marry Rakhi Sawant?

As for Rakhi Sawant, I can think of lots of questions Sach Ka Saamna host Rajeev Khandelwal could ask her.

Did you think the show would be such a hit?

Were you planning to get married when you started this show?

Now that the show is a hit, have you changed your mind?

Will you actually marry a poor man?

Do you want to have sex with Manmohan Tiwari?

Are those real tears?

Is this the real Rakhi Sawant?

Do you enjoy playing the part of demure bride?

Do you like wearing all these Indian outfits?

Do you find Toronto businessman Elesh Parujanwala boring?

Isn't he the most likely to win because he is wealthy?

Do you think Indian men are boring?

Have you undergone botox treatments for your swayamvar?

Did you know beforehand that the Kashmiri policeman contestant on your show was already married?

Did you drop Luv from the show for shock value?

Is the show rigged?

If your ex-boyfriend Abhishek proposed, would you marry him?

Is he going to come on your show?

Do you think Manas is too young?

etc etc etc

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My (two minute) Harry Potter review

2009-07-15T06:24:00Z

So I don't know Harry as intimately as my niece Tara does. I don't eat, drink, inhale all the minutae of life at Hogwartz and I don't know all the rules of playing Quidditch. I'm not into the Rowling books (though I wish I had even a tenth of her imagination) but I've seen most of the movies and Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince does not rank among my favourite Potter movies.

Saw the film last night and what a brilliant opening sequence! London, death eaters, dramatic shots of collapsing urban infrastructure--I was clutching the husband's arm tightly in the first five minutes itself. And then...err, not much.

It's difficult to say what I didn't like without introducing plot spoilers. But suffice to say, after the opening sequence, the film crawls slowly through yet another new year at Hogwartz. It's fun while you're watching it because you know something will happen. And then suddenly, midway the movie begins, and then, before you know it, it's ended and you wonder what on earth it was that you just saw.

"If that sense of exigency rarely materializes in "The Half-Blood Prince," it's partly because the series finale is both too close and too far away and partly because Mr. Radcliffe and his co-stars Emma Watson and Rupert Grint, as Harry's friends Hermione and Ron, have grown up into three prettily manicured bores," analyses Manohla Dargis in The New York Times.

My favourite part of the movie was a brilliant dark sequence where Harry has to fight for his life underwater. Of course, since this is Harry Potter, you can't not see the film. And it's certainly better than most of the other nonsense that's playing in Indian theatres currently.

So, go prepared for teenage love, silly jokes, more magic....and then join me in waiting for the next film.

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TV review: Sach Ka Saamna will put Star on the comeback trail

2009-07-15T05:20:00Z

Trust an Indian television channel to market a risque, daring show as an agnipariksha.

Star Plus' Sach Ka Saamna, which begins tonight, is a fascinating look at the way we really live, behind all our put on hypocrisy and bland exterior selves. Was chatting with a couple of colleagues over coffee and we all agreed that the first half hour in Dev D was the best part of the film. Anurag Kashyap's interpretation of Paro as a regular bold, brash, horny desi girl from Punjab provided stunning insights into the way we actually are. Back then, actress Mahi Gill said she could identify with the character; that it was close to her heart.

Anyway, here's what I wrote about Sach Ka Saamna after seeing the first episode. Don't forget to catch it tonight!

Will Smita Mathai take Star back to No. 1?

She's the epitome of wedded bliss. Today she's dressed in a striking blue sari, this former teacher with a lovely smile (that fades rapidly as you watch her), two children and a husband of 16 years. A Sindhi married to a Christian. She's classic Incredible India. Incredible at hiding the garbage life has shovelled her way. Until, of course, television offered her the chance to win Rs1 crore in exchange for 21 truths about her relationship with her mother, her inner sexual longings and her childhood secrets and jealousies.

Thus far Indian television has never managed to successfully replicate the American-style intimate, confessional chat show format, a genre powered by Oprah Winfrey, arguably one of the world's most influential women. Indians just aren't brought up to confess on prime time television that they were raped by their uncle/neighbour when they were 11, or that they are having affairs with their wives' sisters. Family secrets, we believe, should be buried in the darkest recesses of our emotional selves.

Star India's sensational new show, Sach ka Saamna, the local version of the globally successful Moment of Truth, manages to smash through this barrier with its deceptively simple format. All a contestant has to do is answer yes or no to any question the host asks. Twenty-one right answers and she's a crorepati. A lie detector test, taken prior to the show when the contestant is asked 50 questions, confirms whether the answer is right or wrong. How difficult can that be, right? And how dramatic can it be when she has already answered all the questions that she is going to be asked on the show?

It's tougher than you think. Especially when your family is sitting on the same stage, watching you spill your guts with a simple yes, no, yes, no. "The best part about this show is that you know all the questions and you know all the answers," says Star India's Keertan Adyanthaya. The channel screened people with interesting lives, those who had been through a lot. Adyanthaya says nearly 50% of the contestants backed out when they realized how far they would have to go-some of them quit after the lie detector test. Smita Mathai decided she would stay on.

In the first episode (catch it on 15 July at 10.30pm on Star Plus), she bravely answers many questions, including: Can you forgive your mother for not being there during the birth of your second child? Do you live in fear that your husband will become an alcoholic again? Do you think your mum-in-law was a better mother than your mother? Do you believe your parents love your brother's children more than yours? All this, while her husband, mother and two more family members watch from 5ft away.

And here's one for you, dear reader.

Would you ever cheat on your spouse if you knew he/she would never find out? There can be only one true answer to this question, if you don't fool yourself. After all, a large part of the reason we stay faithful to the loves of our lives is because we want to protect the long-term security of our relationship more than anything. We can't risk losing them. But if you knew for sure that you wouldn't lose them, why then, cheating would be just another guilty indulgence.

Alas, the Indian version of the show will have less sex and more emotion. But maybe that's the smart approach considering the show was recently banned in Greece on grounds of decency/taste. I'm almost certain that no contestant has won the big prize since this show went on air in the US last year. Incidentally, the US show was inspired by a Colombian show which also ran into trouble after a contestant said yes when she was asked if she had paid a hitman to kill her husband.

Star's yes/no brand of truth certainly seems more radical than Rakhi Sawant's attempts to play pastel princess on NDTV Imagine.

In the cut-throat world of general entertainment channels, Star Plus is bound to gain significant brownie points with this show. Then again, the executives at Colors are aware of the ratings potential of this show...maybe they have something planned?

Star's new show also goes head-to-head with Sony Television's new reality biggie Iss Jungle se Mujhe Bachao! that begins two days earlier, on 13 July, at 10pm. When viewers have to pick between Mathai's secrets and a B-grade celebrity trapped in a Malaysian forest, who will they chose? I'm placing my bets on Mathai.

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TV review: Iss Jungle Se Mujhe Definitely Bachao

2009-07-14T07:59:00Z

Sony Television's new show comes to you "Live from the Jungle". Make that "whining B-grade celebrities live from the jungle". They're predictable city slickers who look like they want to escape the jungle even before they've reached base camp in a Malaysian rainforest. They struggle through ankle deep water and slip often despite their walking sticks. "What the hell is going on in the jungle?" yells Palak, a Roadies participant who has her own hate group on Facebook.

Television's new reality staple Shweta Tiwari is in tears soon enough. She doesn't want to sleep on the bed that's on the outer circle of the camp. She's scared, you see. Later, she has a hissy fit. "I want salt. I want salt. I want salt. I want s-a-l-t."

Pop singer Anaida's whining is one notch higher, though. "This modesty smock is see through!" She's as irritating as the low buzz of a malicious Malaysian insect. To emphasize this point, multiple scenes of whining celebrities are interspersed with evil looking insects eating each other.

Meanwhile Fiza looks like she wants to divorce Chand, only he isn't around.

The strange collection of male participants stay calm and try to offset all these screeching women. Akash Deep Saigal (he's added a few alphabets to his name, but who knows what they are) is the self-appointed evangelist who believes "it's great if you start the day together." Whatever.

There's brief excitement when contestant Chetan Hansraj is strapped to a wooden wheel that rotates. He must dig out the yellow stars from tubs containing eels; more than 200 leeches and slime; 6kg maggots; 100kg or more of fish guts; and a variety of snakes.

And then it's back to the whining.

This is Sony television's make-or-break show as we wrote in Lounge a couple of weeks ago. One shouldn't say f-a-i-l after just one episode but so far, Rakhi Sawant's prime-time swayamvar still tops my picks for mindless entertainment.

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Burger King's oh-so-brief relationship with Indian Goddess Lakshmi

2009-07-10T05:15:00Z

Burger King's logic for this ad, which it had to promptly withdraw after zillions of self-righteous Hindus protested, was a punchline about a sacred snack. I guess someone at the company googled "Cool Gods" or some such. And Lakshmi's lotus fit beautifully over the beef chilli con carne Texican Whopper. Contrast Burger King's complete lack of general knowledge about Hindus with McDonald's strategy for their Hindu burger worshippers--the latter doesn't even serve beef at its restaurants.

I guess that's why McDonald's has been doing good business in India for more than 10 years, while Burger King has still to launch in this country.

Update: I actually googled Cool Gods and found a funny post on roadjunky.com titled Shiva is the Only Cool God. Here it is:

Shiva is arguably the only really cool god. He sits around in a loincloth, gets stoned and meditates for thousands of years with cobras around his neck. He's inclined to do the dance of destruction once in a while and just check out his taste in women--Durga and in particular, Kali, are not goddesses most would want to wake up to.

To his followers Shiva is sometimes seen as everything in one--Creator, Preserver, Destroyer and tooth fairy all in one. His traditional role as the Destructor is not seen as something negative. It's more seen as the process of change and passing away so that new things may come.

Shiva is the god of yogis as such a steadfast ascetic and celibate. Although with pure Indian logic he's also a passionate lover and the snakes around his neck represent his kundalini sexual energy. He's often worshipped through the lingum, a huge clay phallus that will be drenched in milk mixed with bhang, resin from marijuana leaves.

He's a favourite god of many sadhus. They will cover themselves with ashes, dress in saffron and praise his name each time they smoke a chillum.

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Sting claims Rakhi Sawant's swayamvar is fixed

2009-07-07T15:18:00Z

Maybe I shouldn't be surprised. This is India. These things happen. And Rakhi Sawant is certainly not the saccharine Yash Raj heroine she is modelling herself on in the new NDTV Imagine show Rakhi Ka Swayamvar. On this show, which promises it will end with Rakhi's marriage, the actress talks super politely to the men who've been handpicked from among 12,000 suitors by NDTV Imagine and Sol Productions. Here's what I wrote in Lounge.

Her strange behaviour, it seems, was enough incentive to attract the paparazzi hounds who began sniffing around in Kashmir after contestant Ather Parvez was kicked out of the show when it turned out that he was a married man who had come on the show with his wife's blessings.

Now, Parvez says in a sting operation on E24 (a channel I never watch; I swear I was just surfing after a hard day's work) that the channel, the production house and Rakhi knew that he was married. He allegedly says the producers met his wife and kids and they said that the channel would tell him when to reveal the truth!

To repeated cries of suna aapne! (what joy tabloid television is), the channel cleverly juxtaposes an unrelated shot of Rakhi slapping her ex on a previous occasion because he pissed her off (see video here) and asks the question: How could the same Rakhi react so calmly to a contestant telling her that he was married?

Who knows what really goes on behind India's so called reality shows? The channel was very guarded publicity and reporters sitting in on the screening process; it only organized one very controlled, group visit for journalists to meet Rakhi on the set.

I'm not picking sides. You guys can decide who's lying, who's not and whether you even care. Meanwhile, The Indian Express even did a short piece on Parvez speaking to his brother and colleague--please note that the country's leading investigative newspaper didn't find out that this policeman from Kashmir was married.

There's no business like Indian show business.

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