Somali pirates to acquire Citigroup
Sandeep Parekh -
Wednesday, November 26, 2008 12:22 PM
You have to be living on the moon if you haven't read a single piece on Somali pirate and the financial sector humour. Here is a fake Bloomberg piece.
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"Somali
Pirates in Discussions to Acquire Citigroup
By Andreas
Hippin
November 20 (Bloomberg) -- The Somali pirates, renegade Somalis known for
hijacking ships for ransom in the Gulf of Aden, are negotiating a purchase of
Citigroup.The pirates
would buy Citigroup with new debt and their existing cash stockpiles, earned
most recently from hijacking numerous ships, including most recently a $200
million Saudi Arabian oil tanker. The Somali pirates are offering up to $0.10
per share for Citigroup, pirate spokesman Sugule Ali said earlier today. The
negotiations have entered the final stage, Ali said.
"You
may not like our price, but we are not in the business of paying for things. Be
happy we are in the mood to offer the shareholders anything," said Ali.The pirates
will finance part of the purchase by selling new Pirate Ransom Backed
Securities. The PRBS's are backed by the cash flows from future ransom
payments from hijackings in the Gulf of Aden.
Moody's and S&P have already issued their top investment grade ratings for
the PRBS's.
Head pirate,
Ubu Kalid Shandu, said: "We need a bank so that we have a place to keep
all of our ransom money. Thankfully, the dislocations in the capital
markets has allowed us to purchase Citigroup at an attractive valuation and to
take advantage of TARP capital to grow the business even faster."
Shandu
added, "We don't call ourselves pirates. We are coastguards and this will
just allow us to guard our coasts better."
*CITI IN
TALKS WITH SOMALI PIRATES FOR POSSIBLE CAPITAL INFUSION
*WILL
REQUIRE ALL CITI EMPLOYEES TO WEAR PATCH OVER ONE EYE
*SOMALIAN
PIRATES APPLY TO BECOME BANK TO ACCESS TARP
*PAULSON:
TARP PIRATE EQUITY IS AN `INVESTMENT,' WILL PAY OFF
*KASHKARI
SAYS `SOMALI PIRATES ARE 'FUNDAMENTALLY SOUND' '
*Moody's
upgrade Somali Pirates to AAA
*HUD SAYS
SOMALI DHOW FORECLOSURE PROGRAM HAD `VERY
LOW' PARTICPATION
*SOMALI
PIRATES IN DISCUSSION TO ACQUIRE
CITIBANK
*FED OFFICIALS:
AGGRESSIVE EASING WOULD CUT SOMALI PIRATE RISK
* FED AGREED
OCT. 29 TO TAKE `WHATEVER STEPS' NEEDED FOR SOMALI PIRATES"
Courtesy: Streetwise Blog.