How bad writing (and no editing) can bias readers - A Romantic Realist

How bad writing (and no editing) can bias readers

Raju Narisetti - Tuesday, August 19, 2008 8:55 PM

Here is a Press Trust of India newswires story that ran in Hindustan Times on 19 August. I have put in italics and underlined some words that are worth paying special attention to as you casually read this story.

Ahmedabad blasts: Ken Haywood slips out of India

The US national, whose computer Internet connection was used to send terror e-mail minutes before Ahmedabad blasts, left the country on Monday despite a look out notice issued by Mumbai police. Ken Haywood, who underwent lie detector and brain mapping test, fled from the Indira Gandhi International Airport in the wee hours on Monday to the US.

Mumbai Police has blamed its Delhi counterparts for the goof up as he was allowed to pass the immigration despite a Look Out notice being issued against his name, official sources said.

They said he had cleared all tests but had been summoned by the Anti-terrorist squad of the Mumbai police following his allegation that a senior police official had demanded a bribe from him.He did not turn up before the ATS despite summons, they said, adding a thorough enquiry would only lead to fixing of the responsibility for the goof up.

CEO of a multi-national company in the country's commercial capital, Haywood was questioned several times after the Internet Protocol address of Indian Mujahideen mail, sent to various media houses minutes before Ahmedabad blasts, led to his flat in Navi Mumbai.

The entire building had a Wireless Fidelity (WiFi) with Haywood being one of the users. He had claimed that his connection, which was not password protected, was used by the terror group to send the email. Gujarat Police is already on a look out for a techie, who was working with Wipro company, as they claim that he could have possibly hacked his Internet connection.

Haywood, a resident of the Sanpada area in Navi Mumbai, left the city with his family, ATS officials said.

Three computers from his residence had been sent to the Forensic Science Laboratory for analysis. Its reports are to be submitted to the Anti-Terrorism Squad soon. The results of the forensic tests on Haywood and the computers seized from his residence had been negative due to which the police had no cause to detain him, they said.

"He is not under arrest and therefore can travel out of his residence. However, we had asked him to stay available to us during investigations," Mumbai Police Commissioner Hasan Gafoor said. PTI

Lets deconstruct this story:

Could Ken Haywood really "slip" out of India from the Indira Gandhi International Airport? Could Ken Haywood have "fled" to the United States in the "wee hours" if he took a normal, commercial flight that anyone can take (see my 12 Step Test later in this post)? Don't most flights to US (or Europe if he took a connecting flight) leave in the "wee" hours anyway?

It gets even more interesting. Did Ken Haywood actually "not turn up before the ATS despite summons"? But, don't ATS officials also say "the police had no cause to detain him"?

Wait, it gets even better. The very last paragraph of the story quotes Mumbai Police Commissioner Hasan Gafoor as saying Ken Haywood is "not under arrest and therefore can travel out of his residence. However, we had asked him to stay available to us during investigations."

Hmmm. So, if I read this story correctly, Ken Haywood is not under arrest, police have no cause to detain him, and is free to travel. Sure, he needs to "stay available" and surely the police by know what "multinational" this CEO works for and have his US address? And could he "stay available" by phone?

Finally, when was the last time you "slipped" out of India on a plane to the US? Let me tell you about the last time I did--and usually any time I do--and what typically happens at the Indira Gandhi International Airport.

Step 1: My ticket and passport are checked before I can enter the terminal by a government security guard.

Step 2: My ticket and passport are checked by an airline security person who often feeds my information into a handheld computer and asks several questions about nature of my stay in India, the nature of my visit to America, and various questions about my bags.

Step 3: My ticket and passport are checked by the airline's check-in person and, after a lot of furious typing into the computer and cross-checking, my boarding pass is issued.

Step 4: (Often) A government security guard looks at my boarding pass and passport and directs me to the immigration line.

Step 5: A government immigration official scans my passport into a computer database, looks for various visas, matches my face to my passport picture, stamps my passport and boarding pass, keeps the detailed Departure form that has my name and lots of other details, including my India address and phone number. Often he also asks a question or two.

Step 6: (Sometimes) A government security guard looks at my boarding pass and passport before letting me through the security screening.

Step 7: A government security guard searches me, looks closely at my boarding pass and stamps it.

Step 8: An airline check-in person takes my boarding pass and matches my face to passport and then my name in the passport to the boarding pass.

Step 9: A government security guard checks my boarding pass and the security stamps on my hand luggage.

Step 10: (Often) At least one airline employee checks my passport and boarding pass as another person does one more body security check.

Step 11: (Often) A flight attendant looks at the boarding pass.

Step 12: (Very occasionally) A flight attendant, reading from a master list of passenger names, asks a misplaced passenger to identify himself the cabin crew.

Then, the master passenger list is handed off and air traffic control permitting, the flight takes off. Some slipping out of India in the wee hours isn't it?

I don't know about government Look Out notices but, we surely need to issue a warrant for biased writing and poor editing.

 

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From amit varma

August 20, 2008 3:21 AM
"I don't know about government Look Out notices but, we surely need to issue a warrant for biased writing and poor editing." Raju, in a sentence that slams bad editing, how on earth could you put a comma after 'but'? Apart from that, it's a fine post and a fine blog. It's good to see you blogging!

From Raju Narisetti

August 20, 2008 5:08 AM

Amit--goes to show everyone needs an editor (perhaps the same point my blog was trying to make about more serious outcomes from no editing.) Raju

From Camy

August 22, 2008 11:45 AM
The issue is not about the writing here. We are here to talk about an American who left India, in the mist of investigation. If he had nothing to hide, then he should have at least informed the local police officer before leaving to US or at least media person. Well he runs a Christian Fellow Ministry... which is a Christian cult from Arizona. I happen to visit this website, I could immediately feel that its run by Christian fundamentalists. Knowing the fact that there is an unusual raise in Christian converts in india, it only raises more questions on haywood. What Indians and victim need to know is why an American left india from whose computer an e-mail was sent prior to the blast? If he had nothing to hide, he should have informed someone that would shown some respect for ATS and the Victims.

From Raju Narisetti

August 22, 2008 4:08 PM

Camy--what happened to innocent until proven guilty? Would any normal person subject himself to India's media circus by following your suggestion of alerting media about him and his family going home? If India wanted to keep him, all they had to do was ask for him to deposit his passport with the police. And Christian "fundamentalists" are suddenly criminal?

From Subhra Priyadarshini

September 1, 2008 7:56 PM
In my close to a decade long prized association with the Press Trust of India I have endured far worse editing and 'slips in the wee hours'. These are standarad archaic expressions the agency has not grown out of. In fact, the entire industry suffers from the lack of good editors and copy writers. Did I hear someone lamenting in a brilliant post recently about paying peanuts?

From Raju Narisetti

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