Why I live in India. - The Expat Blog

Why I live in India.

Melissa A. Bell - Wednesday, September 02, 2009 1:15 PM
Okay, it took me slightly longer than a day, Jose, my apologies.

(For those not intimately engaged in our comment conversation, Jose, a reader on this blog, asked why I came to India. Something tells me he would prefer to ask why the heck haven’t I left yet—and he’d be happy to show me the door—but, as is his way, he was very polite.)

I think about this question—why India?—a lot because I get asked it a lot. I’m home in California now and no one who lives here, in this seemingly perfect little beach town, really understands the appeal of living somewhere it takes 24 hours on a plane to reach. And that isn’t right next to the ocean. And that doesn’t have Starbucks lattes on every corner.

But I left this town when I was 18 and I kept moving, almost every year, until I wound up in India where for some reason I’ve been for three years. So maybe the question isn’t so much why I came. But why I stayed.

After all, I came for the simple reason of procrastination. I did not want to get a job. My journalism school offered a program where, after graduation, you could go work abroad for an extra semester. I had already lived in Europe, so I said that I would apply for the program so long as they could place me in any country not in Europe or North America. That was the extent of my planning ahead.

They offered me Cambodia and India. India seemed sprawling, unknown, and also more present on the world stage, journalistically speaking. But Cambodia has beautiful beaches. It was a roll of the dice.

I wound up at the Hindustan Times with Aditya Sinha as my editor. It’s probably his fault more than anyone else’s that I stayed. He didn’t really know what to do with this naïve white girl that showed up in his office one day. Plus he’s got a strange sense of humor. Rather than have me hovering over him at the office, he sent me off in the care of Mayank Tewari, one of his most, well, insane-in-the-best-possible-sort-of-way reporters. I followed him around the city eating roti with Afghan refugees and singing late into the night with Sufi saints.

One evening, Aditya and the rest of his team introduced me to Old Monk. I got to know it very well. Then he told me to head off early the next morning to Old Delhi to navigate the crowded streets for ten hours in the middle of June. I spent the next evening in the hospital attached to an IV drip.

Eventually he started to suspect I would pretty much follow any of his directions. He tested this hypothesis by suggesting I go cover the sex scandal in Kashmir, a suggestion my graduate school strictly forbid. I wound up a few days later in Srinigar floating on Dal Lake, confounded by the world around me.

I was in love. It was a beautiful, messy, strange, constantly in-flux place. But when my internship ended, I headed home.

Once back in the US, Raju Narisetti, the former editor of Mint, gave me an offer I couldn’t refuse: come back to India and help launch a national newspaper with the financial backing to support it’s growth.

In the US, in case you’ve somehow managed to miss all the moaning and groaning of the US media, the newspaper has been dying for some time. Most financial backers are loath to support established, successful city papers. A person would be locked in the loony house if she attempted to try and start a new one. (And three years ago this was even truer than it is today. Now there is an intriguing revolution in the US media, with innovation and creativity pouring in as people try to create new ways to present journalism. But that’s neither here nor there.)

I wasn’t sure I should come back. I thought I should keep working in the US, put down roots, become a productive member of society—that old song and dance. But, at the end of the day, I had a pretty cool chance to experiment in the profession I love.

I stayed the second time around. Mint thought they were going to be rid of me after six months. But once I stopped walking around with the “whoa, look how crazy this country is” blinders on, I started seeing the country for what it is--and couldn't leave.

Part of it was a realization that it was not just my industry that was expanding like crazy. I had heard the growth story before I came. But it was an all-together new thing to experience the stark difference between a country stagnating and a country exploding. At that time the US was a country rife with apathy. I believe that more than anything else led my country in disastrous directions. People just weren’t excited about things. Even worse, people didn’t care. It was all about keeping to the status quo. In India, people cared. People wanted. People were fighting and experimenting and trying. You walked around and the air felt rife with possibility. It seemed that new companies, new ideas, new art, new music were stumbling and jumbling their way out into the world in every direction. It was a pretty addictive feeling to be in a place that felt so alive.

But there are other reasons too. India has something I’ve never known: a deep, palpable history. I remember visiting the campus of what would eventually become my university at Georgetown in Washington, D. C. I became enraptured with its main building, a gothic stone structure with a perfect clock tower pointing into the sky. It was so OLD. So rich! It was built in 1879. You take a wrong turn in India and you stumble onto a tomb of a man who died 500 years before the first stone was ever laid at Georgetown.

And likely the biggest reason why I’ve stayed in India, and why so many people probably do: it seems endless. Each May as the sweet quiet nights of winter disappear like a snap and the crushing blow of summer arrives, I say, “I’m leaving. I know this place. I don't need to live here anymore. I need to go find out about the rest of the world.” But I don't move. I know nothing about the place, even three years later. And the rest of the world is in India too.

Even the things that drive me crazy about the place is too often missing in the US. Take, for example, my invasive, nosy, argumentative landlord. She is guarding over the home her husband built next door to the homes his two brothers built 70 years ago. The home her children grew up in. The home her grandchildren left for college. The sense of family, unity, and community exists in degrees in the U.S., but nowhere as intensely as it does in India.

And slowly, wonderfully, India’s burrowed under my skin. I have people who love me who live there. And people I love live there. When I’m away I miss the morning crows on my roof, wandering Hauz Khas at dusk, sitting on my balcony late into the night as wedding fireworks light up the sky.

I don’t know how long I’ll live there. I suppose only until next May. I also suppose I might be saying that for a few more years at least.

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From jumu

September 2, 2009 3:38 PM
What a talent you have for empathetic attention! You have set aside the on-rushes of judgement about the narrowness and self-indulgence of our society, and sought out its warmer sides - thanks.

From shamith

September 2, 2009 5:20 PM
was the reference to Old Monk == Old Monk Rum?? or anything else!! Dumb question!! I know!!

From Melissa A. Bell

September 2, 2009 7:07 PM
@Shamith Ha! Yes, it was. And they may try to deny this, but I have a vague, yet persistent, memory of them telling me I had to try it or I would fail in my attempt to understand the country. But I was hoodwinked. You can never really understand this country! Thanks, @Jumu!

From shamith

September 3, 2009 12:28 PM
Hahaha... Nobody can understand the "incredible india". Glad that you tried Old monk. :)

From Rahul

September 4, 2009 1:20 PM
Let me boil all this jabber to one lil' sentence, if I may: "I like India because I can find people indulging in eccentricities that I myself like to indulge in, which I know the stiff upper lip north-easterners would scorn off calling me valley girl!". Haha! I am now reminded of the scene in the 2005 movie called American Desi with Kal Penn - where the a drunk TA starts to piss on the lawn in front of the girls dormitory and say "this is what I miss about India the most, no bogus rules, freedom to do whatever you want, wherever you want". Like it or not, Melissa, but you kindda enjoy that kindda freedom this country has to offer! The Sufi music at the Dargah or the "I like the History of Mehrauli" is all there to cover up the real intent! Guess er bad even at that! Haha!

From Anindita

September 4, 2009 5:46 PM
What a lovely, lovely post! I can picture a book : )

From Twitted by normaltusker

September 8, 2009 5:14 PM

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From Nimit Kathuria

September 8, 2009 11:25 PM
On that note, did you notice that lyric in "Superchor" from the ultimate Delhi film "Oye Lucky! Lucky Oye!": "Johnny Walker walking walking/Old Monk is talking talking" Though they very very stupidly censored this line from the movie version and made it: "Everybody walking walking/Everybody is talking talking"

From Jose

September 9, 2009 10:15 AM
@Melissa: Thanks for the post as they say better late than never. @Jumu: To be honest she sought out the warmer sides of our country after quite a bit of on-rushes of narrowed judgement about the narrowness and self-indulgence of our society, including her take on the AIM (though i may not agree with her views on the AIM but i loved reading it anyway).

From Melissa A. Bell

September 10, 2009 12:29 PM
@Jose, you're welcome! But don't be fooled: I still have plenty of narrowness and self indulgence in store. It's so much more fun than earnest truth. And it comes surprisingly much easier.... But hope you understand (or are starting to...) it's all outta love that I jest. Just ask my parents. They've had to put up with my cruel to be kind for years.

@Nimit I'm renting that film immediately, censors be damned.

@Anindita thank you! No book, really. I may be the only expat in India who doesn't write one, but I kinda think the space is already full up as is. Still, glad you liked it!

From Advait

September 10, 2009 5:39 PM
Was intrigued to read that you find Indians to be caring about things. Most of us Indians believe we just do not care about things enough. The famous 'Chalta Hai' attitude and all that.

From Melissa A. Bell

September 10, 2009 7:48 PM
@Advait we're all probably our own worst critics. Yes, there are definite signs of apathy in India, especially in the city elite. But I work right near Janpath in Delhi and every day some protest is slowly marching down the street. Whether it has any effect on the government is another question--the bureaucracy in India is something else. But despite the slow-moving winds of change here, people are still sitting in, marching, holding candlelight vigils, etc. I think the Jessica Lal case also impressed me. Although there are probably millions of similar cases that won't see justice brought down, at least this one case was changed by the power of the people.

From Rohit Srivastava

September 10, 2009 8:25 PM
@Melissa, Wonderful post. Every country has its own problems, but its the way of looking at things that is important. I am glad that you liked the country and you do plan to spend time here. It is indeed a great country, with its exceptional past, and glorious history. It has its own difficulty of growing into a modern developed society, but I am sure, America also had same issues 400 years ago. Unique thing is, we want to grow ahead, but also want to carry the rich past of 5000 yrs, that is what you see in the caring attitude of your landlords etc. India is incredible.. there is no doubt about it.. yet it is strange, even we Indians have not been able to understand it till now!!!.

From Prateek

September 10, 2009 10:33 PM
Awesome post! Winters nights in delhi are crazzzzzzzzzy!

From Prateek

September 10, 2009 10:35 PM
Awesome post! Winters nights in delhi are crazzzzzzzzzy! ALso some 'delhi' movies i'd recommend - Oye Lucky, Lucky Oye - Khosla ka Ghosla - Monsoon wedding

From Advait

September 11, 2009 10:24 AM
Well your point was about comparison between the apathy levels in India and the US and i guess i am not the right person to judge that since i have not had the opportunity to live in the US. In India, for some reason, we always expect someone else (activists, political parties, media) to take up our cause and do something about it. Take Mumbai post 26/11 as an example. We had all the candle marches and things like that but not many of us bother when we see some one bypassing the metal detector at the VT station. Its always some one elses responsibility. I live in hope that some day this changes.

From Melissa A. Bell

September 11, 2009 8:40 PM
@Advait point well taken. I should probably ruin all this goodwill and write a post about what I do not like about India. One thing being exactly what you say: always someone else's responsibility. I think that every time I walk in a communal space: Khan Market in Delhi, for example. The place charges insane rents, and yet the stores don't all get together and demand the landlord built a sidewalk without holes in it. If it's not your plot of land, than it's someone else's problem.

But, man, I miss Khan Market, holes and all!

From Melissa A. Bell

September 11, 2009 8:41 PM
@Prateek and @Rohit, thanks guys! Prateek, I'll definitely try to find those movies to make me a little less homesick.

From Melissa A. Bell

September 12, 2009 9:15 PM
@Jose wrote (edited): Melissa: I think it would be wonderful if you write a post of what you don’t like about India that too a detailed one and just watch your comment section hitting a century. Forget the goodwill, as a journo, don’t you think its your responsibility towards your profession to tell both sides of the story or are you like the ToI trying to show only the goody goody side and getting praised by hypocrites, who refuses to see the truth staring into their eyes. Looking forward to your critical appreciation on everything Indian

@Jose, your comment got deleted cause of your emphatic word choice... No cursing guys. One of the few things we delete. You can tell me to go to fat camp, but you can't curse. That being said, I wanted to repost, cause I say: Fine. You're the new director of my blog life. Challenge taken. It will definitely take me more than a day.

From Jose

September 14, 2009 9:18 AM
Melissa: sorry for those curse words. i shall keep that in check from hence forth. well looking forward to your take on everything nasty-Indian and off course ur much awaited view on the AIM (seems you have never travelled to the southern and western side of India from the narrowed views that you have on the AIM)

From Melissa A. Bell

September 14, 2009 12:28 PM
@Jose! Are you saying only North-Eastern men are dirty dogs?? That's just as narrow-minded as me!!

From Chintan Ganatra

September 15, 2009 3:42 AM
Wow! I've become an instant fan of your writing prowess Melissa! The way you've described your eventful journey through time is just amazing. Well, I was referred to your blog by a friend of mine because I am an Indian, presently living in the US :) and maintain a blog too. My last post about Indians' mentality in the US was what propelled my friend to refer your post to me. You can find my blog's link on my website (chintanganatra.com). Keep writing! You rock!

From Jose

September 16, 2009 3:46 PM
Melissa stop trying to put words into my mouth. I never said North-Eastern (for they are really good guys even better than we southern guys), but the North-Wester .... well, well, i can only say God Help us or rather God help the girls. But that's what India is all about .... unity in diversity.

From Melissa A. Bell

September 19, 2009 9:57 AM
@Jose You said west and south so I said north and east! Anyway, isn't Delhi part of the Northeast? So, um, well, um....

@Chintan thank you! Fun blog and I love Summer of '69. Such a good song.

From aditya

September 28, 2009 8:17 PM
great post! was running short of Vitamin M (reading your blog that is, and caught up with your ponderings finally...), India is beautifully imperfect... joyously confused, delightfully complicated, utterly chaotic, desperately crazy... a million cliches, unity in diversity, the smells, the sights, the ugly nakedness of the grotesque thrown in with the sublime... all there - in your face and wonderfully alive... what more can one say - yeh bharat hai, (for the moment, or forever) we are hers, and she is ours - to complain about, to enjoy, to wonder and to debate... an idea, a nation, a people's and a theory, as they say in cricket, it's all in the wrist - spin bowling that is...)... enjoy your time here and continue sharing your insights with us!

From swami mangalananda

September 28, 2009 9:39 PM
dear melissa a. bell, i have lived in india for the past 12 years returning to usa in 2004 and am now here in california for a few months, i am an american hindu nun, i loved your comments, i was looking up comments on that book holy cow, but couldnt find yours, but found this, holy cow i thought was very superficial and didnt see the whole picture not that you can ever see the whole picture about bharata mata, i also miss her and cant wait to return, i think most people who go to bharata should spend time in a village setting and just be a real person, as aditya has said india is beautifully imperfect,joyously confused, delightfully complicated, etc, i find this california scenery mostly boring, organized and too sterile, and so on, yes everything works, they tell you where the road has any imperfections and how many minutes to the next place, i long for the mess of india, my cows, my dogs, and my children in our school and hostel, the love and hospitality of bharat, the longer i have lived there the more real she is the more compelling, the more frustrating , and the more i love Her, my spiritual mother

From Melissa A. Bell

September 30, 2009 8:07 PM
@aditya I love the phrase joyously confused! I think it could describe me as well as India. Maybe that's why I like the place so much. @swami mangalananda I agree about California. There are beautiful bits, but the sterility gets to you after awhile. Come back to India soon. Guys, we've moved over to a new blog site. I'm going to stop posting on here from now on out, so make a new bookmark and come over to http://blog.livemint.com/the-expat-blog/

From NATARAJAN

October 6, 2009 3:26 PM
hi mellissa, very refreshing piece of writing, reminiscent of Mark tully of BBC! This country has lots of positives and negatives, but you chose to cheer up with the positives! Way to Go! Most of my kith and kin have migrated out of india, urging me to join them, which i have refused over the years! I emailed them your piece as it is more articulate, lucid and simple, to show why i am rooted here! India is like beer (oops Old Monk!), coffee, takes a while to get used to it, but gives you great satisfaction in the long run!

From Debadeep

October 31, 2009 9:29 AM
It's amazing to see how the journey of life takes different people in different directions. You are a "naïve white girl" (or so you were) living in India, and I am an Indian student currently staying in Raleigh, NC. I had been wondering all these days why I miss India so much... and you seemed to know the exact reasons for it. Your blog was an enjoyable (am I making an understatement?) read, more expressive and refreshing with every line. It feels great to see someone from outside our country actually understand our values and what we live for. I hope you continue to enjoy your stay in India - I envy you girl!

From creatron

November 1, 2009 12:13 AM
ma'am, visit this link, and read vir sanghvi's article. Since you've already been in India for a few years but not all over the country it seems, maybe this article will help. well written post above, btw. cheers. :) http://sdas-why-am-here.blogspot.com/2006/02/calcutta-through-eyes-of-vir-sanghvi.html

From Melissa A. Bell

November 14, 2009 2:18 PM

Thanks guys! @Debadeep, India will be here waiting for you when you get back!

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